Give Yourself Permission to Pivot
I had a client, Geraldine, who was on leave from work and was desperate to get out of a job from hell and into a fantastic new career.
The prospect of meaningful work was so enticing that coaching felt a little magical.
She started doing all the things:
Getting clear on her genuine strengths, values and curiosities
Conducting Information Interviews with people in alternate fields of work
Taking a college course to improve her skills and consider a new sector
The journey had its inevitable ups and downs, of course, but she was humming along, tracking progress and feeling purposeful, when a curveball came her way.
Geraldine got handed a new role in her organization, one that was a much better fit than her recent position - but not the radical shift in career path that she’d begun to plot.
In a heartbeat, it seemed, she was back to work.
Over the next few weeks, I witnessed her get muddled and disoriented.
Should she switch tack: focus on performing in the new job and stop seeking a whole new path?
She didn’t honestly feel like networking and developing new skills anymore!
Meanwhile, she was also caring for her sick mother and found herself depleted and exhausted.
It came to a crux one session.
“I feel like I’m failing,” Geraldine confessed.
“It’s taking everything I’ve got to handle the pressures of the new job, take care of my mom, and, frankly, my own health. I can see that I don’t have the same kind of bandwidth for this process that I did while on leave, but the truth is, I’m sad to say, I also don’t feel the same level of motivation and magic that I did a couple of months ago, when it comes to the big-picture career-building stuff.”
Aha! Boom.
Geraldine was pushing on, berating herself, judging that she should still pursue the goals she arrived with, when I was hearing that it might actually be a time ripe for her to pivot.
Give Yourself Permission to Pivot
As a coach, I witness this often: people push, holding themselves to an agenda they previously set, even when conditions have shifted (sometimes significantly), feeling increasingly tired, drained, and discouraged.
My encouragement at these moments is to help people consider if this is an opportunity to practice to surrender, to let go of old goals and pivot in a new direction.
Discerning a Pivot & How to Navigate One:
Let me introduce two questions I often hear from clients:
How do I know when a pivot is a wise path (and not just letting myself off the hook when the going get tough)?
How do I pivot with grace - and take care of the parts me experiencing loss, disappointment and failure?
If this resonates with you, please read on!
Is this a Wise Path?
Recognizing a pivot often starts with paying attention to your body and your energy levels.
So, think of a situation where you might need a change and consider:
How do you feel when you take action on your current agenda: more energized or drained?
Do you actually want to do most items on your to-do list, or do more items feel like ‘should’s?’
(I’m not pretending that we’ll intrinsically enjoy all things required for life progress. However, my experience is that we accept the difficult tasks and find creative ways forward when we’re on sustaining, aligned paths).
If you’re experiencing more heaviness than enthusiasm, curiosity, or motivation: pause. Pay attention.
Consider the possibility that your body is giving you important information, much like an internal compass.
(If connecting with your body in such a way feels intimidating or out of reach, check out Martha Beck’s book, “Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live).”
When it’s a wise path, I do believe there’s often a calm knowing in our bodies.
In Geraldine’s case, she came to realize that she was indeed ready to pivot.
She determined that it was time for her to push pause on her long-term future career development.
With relief, she realized that her new goals - for the time being - were simply:
Care for her health
Care for her mom’s health
Maintain a decent (not outstanding!) level of presence and performance at work
She realized that she needed to get off of a productivity-oriented track.
By the time Geraldine got off the phone with me, we agreed that her life goals had evolved and that this next chapter would be infused with less strategy and ticking checkboxes and more fun, leisure, and relaxation.
So, if you sense the need to shift direction, change goals, or reorient your life, please start by giving yourself permission to do so.
Next, here’s my suggestion to take good care of the parts of you that may be disappointed, feel a sense of loss, or nagging failure about this whole pivot:
Honor Your Shift Consciously
Don’t just drop the old path and shove yourself onto the new one without care - because that’s when you may well get muddled in confusion and self-doubt.
If you catch yourself here, please take yourself in hand and pivot with awareness and compassion.
Please consider - even if this sounds a little unusual - creating a little ritual.
Here’s a sample example:
Set aside 5 - 10 minutes: light a candle and establish some time to connect with yourself
Identify objects that symbolize your old path: note their meaning and thank them. (For Geraldine, that meant looking at her Information Interview templates, course info and reflective notes). Then -
Put those our of sight and mind:
If this path is something you’re done with for good, feel the relief - and also any grief.
If you believe that this path is still vital and sense that you want to resume it later - but now is simply not the time - tell the items that you will be back and thank them for the groundwork laid so far. (Geraldine did this and placed her paperwork in an envelope in her filing cabinet).
If part of you is nervous that you’ll never really circle back to this trailhead, choose a time to re-visit this terrain. (Geraldine set her phone to ping her six months later to reassess her priorities and energy levels).
Accept your pivot: Sigh. Relax. See if you can identify new possibilities, ones that feel, well, right - even if surprising. (Geraldine put up a list on her fridge, titled: ‘Rest & Play’).
Give yourself permission to pivot: generate a phrase that invites you to embrace change. (For good measure, Geraldine added an extra note to her new map on the fridge: ‘I am allowed to have fun.’) You may need to give yourself a little extra validation and encouragement, too, especially if you feel some residual guilt or fear, sadness or self-judgment about making a change and letting go of some goals.
In the end, the bottom line is that life is always changing.
It’s ok to change our minds, our plans, and our priorities.
It really is.
Sometimes everything looks the same ‘on the outside’ but what used to fit no longer does and we feel internal chafing where there used to be comfort or delight.
Other times, you get an external disruption or opportunity, like Geraldine did - and you need to stop navigating your life by the old metrics and intentions that no longer work.
It takes courage to pivot.
But gosh, it’s exhausting to paddle a boat upstream, fighting the shifted currents, trying to muscle your way to where you thought you were supposed to go.
How much better - and easier - it feels to paddle downstream, accepting change and a bigger flow of our lives.
One more thing:
Sometimes a pivot feels full of relief, like throwing off a weighted backpack.
Sometimes a pivot is subtle and small. Other times, it’s massive and shatters our status quo.
Sometimes our hearts break as we surrender to a pivot.
Making a deeply right choice or accepting change can be brutal - for us or our people.
Let me remind you that you are powerful, capable and made for life and its mysteries.
The same goes for your loved ones.
Giving ourselves permission to pivot is one way we can practice trusting life and surrendering to the most authentic unfolding of our lives that we can discern.
If now is a good time for you to pivot, please feel a whoosh of my encouragement flowing your way - especially if things feel simultaneously so hard.
Feel free to share anything you wish in the comments below.
You’ve got this.
You can have your own back… and pivot.
P.S. If you’re in a pivot and want support, set up a free 60-minute consult: coaching can help.
P.P.S. If you’re experiencing a pivot that you never would have chosen, check out: “Lifeshocks: How to Love Them,” by Sophie Sabbage, who lived with cancer and whose TED talk on grief I loved). Because sometimes we’re in the absolute trenches and the pivots are hell - even when surrendering to them will enhance our lives. Hang in there. Sending big love, N
Nicola Holmes is a Life Coach who helps people turn their potent questions, dream and longings into inspired action. With warmth and wisdom, she’ll guide you to untangle constraints and cultivate courage to create a more aligned and joyful life. She has a BASc in Human Development, an MEd in Adult Learning and spent two decades working in the non-profit sector. Along with coaching for the past 14 years, she’s mama to two young spirited kids and dedicated to Buddhism. Having experienced long Covid and a move over the past two years, she brings deep empathy to others who are exploring how they’ve changed and who they’re becoming in turbulent times. Check out Nicola @nicolaholmescoach or join the email party for inspiration and resources to fuel the changes you want.